whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
