I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
