Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
