Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
