i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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