What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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