everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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