its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
