She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
