those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
