and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
