How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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