My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
