I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Everclear isn't food dammit
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
