Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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