You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Randomize
