I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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