And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
