I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
