This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
