did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
