ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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