Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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