Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I had to cum in my sink.
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