My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
