11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
