I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So much rum. So many feels.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
