I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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