What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
