Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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