I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
