Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
