her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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