when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
