I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
