Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
