What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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