are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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