you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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