my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize