thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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