I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
