it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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