I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
