Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
