And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
