home. puking in laundry basket.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
