Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
