Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
