just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
ok first of all what the fuck
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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