Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
