so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
