your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
