I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize