I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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