So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
