she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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