I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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