I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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