his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
