She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
