my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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