Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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