puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
