Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
where does the pee come out of this thing
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize