If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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